Gurski Gossip

hartmann's mickey celebration

2011-12-02T19:10:00.000-06:00

yes, my son's party was a month ago. & yes, i'm just now blogging about it. excuses? well let's see.....

basically? life. crazy, busy, hectic, blah blah blah.

but here it is, better ~~late~~ way late than never. right?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

the child loves mickey mouse clubhouse. so it was a no-brainer to go with a mickey mouse theme. but not a cheesy, over-the-top, mickey in your face, BAM! kinda way. so i drew on mickey's colors for inspiration: red, turquoise, yellow, and black. pretty much everything you see was made by me, which was so much fun. i seriously would love to plan parties for a living. i just love laboring over every detail because even the smallest ones matter. so enjoy!

i designed his invitation using paint.net, a free program with awesome features!

to greet our guests, i tied strips of red, turquoise, yellow, & mickey mouse fabric to a grapevine wreath & added one of hartmann's mickey toys

took forever! but i love the way it turned out. he loves it so much that i hung it on his bedroom door!

next up, his birthday banner. easy peasy! just scrapbook paper cut into circles with stickers to spell out happy birthday. two felt mickey ears, all strung on twine. so easy & so much cheaper than buying one (& way cuter in my opinion!)

i used some of his vintage mickey toys to finish out the mantle!

the spread! this year, we kept it simple. instead of having an evening party with a dinner, we did an afternoon party with snacks. cheese, meats, & crackers, veggies & dips, & soda.

look at these adorable mickey bowls i found at target. they now serve as popcorn holders for family movie night!

i went the easy route this year in terms of cake. hartmann is not a cake guy, but he loves cupcakes. i totally bought the .98 cent box of funfetti cupcakes & a can of vanilla frosting. because really? what else says childhood better?? i got a inexpensive, plain white cupcake tier at hobby lobby & decorated the edges with ribbon to go with the party theme. topped off the cupcake with mickey mouse ear toppers! (hand cut, one at a time, ouch!)

hartmann unwrapping gifts!

i simply adore the way his shirt turned out. i found a similar one on etsy for $30, but the creative side in me instantly thought "i can do that much cheaper!" plain white T, felt, white buttons, a sewing machine, & about 1/2 hr later.....voila!

the real hit of the party? the candy bar where guests got to make their own treat bag!

this was such a simple idea. various glass jars wrapped in ribbon. filled with rock candy, popcorn, m&ms, white chocolate pretzels rolled in sprinkles, all coordinated to the color theme. guests could scoop out what they wanted into cellophane bags & tie with curly ribbon. perfect & easy!

overall? the party was a huge success. as can be witnessed by my break-dancing son.

{sometimes, even I have no words}

2011-11-08T19:58:00.000-06:00

tomorrow is my son's birthday. he's turning two. two. hold me.

i want to go on & on {& on} about how i can't believe it's been two years, how the time has flown, how it seems like only yesterday i was concerned about paci's & swaddle blankets, how he's a little climbing monkey, how he knows his shapes & colors & counts to 20, how he speaks in complete sentences, & just how amazing he is in general.

i want to go on & on in a birthday letter to him about how much i love him, how he's my everything, how i want to turn back the clock & breath in his sweet new smell again, how i will always stick up for him, how i will always support him, how special he is as my firstborn, & how my life is devoted to him.

but i don't have any words for all of that. not right now. maybe i will tomorrow. but for now, all i can do is rock him to sleep & stroke his soft curls. all i can do is kiss his feverish head & listen to his wheezing (because he's sick of course, on his birthday). all i can do tonight is wish him sweet dreams & gently wipe a tear away as i close his door & back out of his room.

i truly have no words for how i feel right now.

because two years ago, he was this:

{1000 gifts}

2011-11-01T20:30:00.003-05:00

november is here. ahhhh. i love november. i love coffee, colorful leaves, warm blankets, cashmere socks (expensive but sooooo worth it), cable knit sweaters, tall boots, scarfs, turkey, pumpkin pie, yummy scented candles, crisp air, cool mornings, family being near, & the excitement of christmas being right around the corner.

it's doesn't hurt that november is also the month that we welcomed our smart, sweet, amazing hartmann into our family.

long story short? november is awesome.

the only problem is slowing down & enjoying it. i'm starting to realize more than ever in life that we all need to slow down. like, waaaaaaay doooooowwwwwn.

in our homes, our jobs, society in general, there seems to be the constant push for more, better, faster, smarter, etc. don't get me wrong; i'm all for progress. we can always strive to do a little more, do it a little better, do it little faster, etc. i'm up for a challenge.

but whatever happened to just being? we rush around, pushing ourselves harder, working faster, trying to be better, trying to do more. for what? i don't know about you, but sometimes i look around at home & at work & i wonder that, while maybe i've done more & i've done it faster, have i really done it better?

it all comes down to quantity versus quality.

this holiday season, i may do a little less, but i to enjoy everything a lot more. the house doesn't have to spotless ALL THE TIME. i don't have to be perfect at work, despite the overwhelming pressure to be.

this holiday season, my mantra is {thankful}

& to truly be thankful, i believe that you have to slow down. if you don't, you'll miss all the little, wonderful things there are to be thankful for. sure, we can all come up with a list of the top few BIG things: family, salvation, home, jobs, freedom, etc.

but what about all the little things? the 1000 gifts? haven't read that book?? OHMY....go now here now & read about Ann, her book, & her amazing challenge.

so starting today, November 1st, i am challenging myself to really look & find 1,000 gifts. 1,000 things to be thankful for. i'm not giving myself a deadline. that just defeats the purpose of slowing down & really enjoying. i'll finish when i finish.

i hope that along the way i remember to slow down, delight in the small things, take things as they come, let tomorrow worry about itself, & truly remember what's important in life. i also hope to remember where my heart is & that HE holds my life in his hands. instead of worrying about "what if?" i hope i concentrate on what IS.

so today, i'm thankful for:

1. cooler temperatures
2. the way my warm coffee mugs feels in my hand each morning
3. the sight of two sweet dogs on my bed when i wake up
4. my son's constant talking in the background & how real words have replaced all babbling
5. rocking chairs and lullabies to drown out the cares of the day
6. soft socks & cozy pj's after work clothes
7. reading the blogs of other working momma's & finding that they struggle with the same things i do

please read 1,000 gifts. it is seriously such a life-changing book & the inspiration for my challenge.

care to join me?

{happy halloween}

2011-11-01T17:27:00.000-05:00

we've had quite a halloween! 3, to be exact. normally, i'm not big on halloween. don't get me wrong, i love candy & dressing up. it's just never been a holiday i go all out for.

but then hartmann came along.

cute kid who loves to ham it up and eat candy = lots of halloween celebrations.

school, parent's church, neighborhood.

whew, i'm tired.

but it was so much fun, he looked adorbs {of course}, & now we've got tons of free candy.

win, win, win.

enjoy my little mickey mouse!

mickey mouse!

mickey & nana

sour!

mickey & papa

mickey & daddy

pam bentley painted his face when we got to the carnival. so cute!

daddy helping me putt for candy

me with my cousin levi

i caught on to the whole "getting candy" concept pretty quickly!

ok, i'm done!

camera happy fall {arboretum edition}

2011-10-29T10:35:00.000-05:00

i love fall. i love pumpkins, starbucks, blankets, thanksgiving, apple pie, brisk mornings, bright colors, & 159,489,258,654,898,159,657,123,854,2369 other things about the season.

so, when you take my ~~love~~ outrageous obsession over the fall season and pair it with the cutest kiddo ever, you get lots of photos.

sorry.

actually, i'm not sorry. it's my blog, so if you don't like fall or cute kids for some reason (lunatic) then you may want to stop reading now.

otherwise, enjoy!

clearly, he's loving this

{this too shall pass}

2011-10-16T13:07:00.000-05:00

there is so much to do.

today. this week. before the holidays. always.

always.

floors to clean.
laundry to fold.
menus to plan.
emails to answer.
orders to be sewn.
lesson plans to be done.
parent conference forms to fill out.
birthday invitations to address.
christmas cards to design.
sheets to be changed.
closets to be purged.
dishes to be washed.
meals to cook.
neighbors to visit.
furniture to be dusted.
phone calls to return.

but today, i stop. i do nothing. well, nothing listed above.

today, I:

sing wheels on the bus. again.
read stories.
tickle his tummy.
share giggles.
kiss his little cheeks.
smell his downy head.
teach him new words.
listen to his complete sentences.
pour milk.
remind him to say "please" and "thank you."
breathe through his melt downs.
rock him to sleep.
cuddle him in blankets.
watch him discover new things.
fetch cars that have rolled under furniture.
blow on hot food.
dole out the goldfish. & raisins. & animal crackers.
chase him around the kitchen island.

because this too shall pass.

funny how we usually just use this phrase in hard times:

unemployment, depression, economic downturns, tantrums, sickness.

because: this TOO shall pass:

infancy, toddlerhood, wanting to sit in my lap, baby giggles, rocking chairs, sippy cups, childhood.

he will be little for only so long. so this morning, when my to do list stretched out before me like a justin bieber song {never ending}, i ignored it. put it aside for another day.

because: this too shall pass.

complaints of motherhood

2011-05-07T12:09:00.001-05:00

y'all, being a mom is hard. it's often disgusting, exhausting, frustrating, & usually very unglamorous.

i mean, just think of all the thoughts that go through your head daily:

*ugh, do i seriously have to wipe your nose again???

*why are there fingerprints everywhere?? I just dusted!

*please don't hit mommy.
*why did you wait until AFTER i changed your wet diaper to go poop? diapers ain't free!
*please don't scream & throw a in the restaurant.
*food is expensive! please don't throw it on the floor. or feed it to the dog. or flush it down the toilet. please just eat it.
*don't hit mommy!
*come here, let me wipe your nose. AGAIN.
*how are you dirty? you just took a bath.
*my back really hurts from lugging you around. please just hold my hand and walk.
*please! no more yo gabba gabba. or mickey. or wo wo wubbzy. just 5 minutes of silence. please!
*DON'T HIT MOMMY!
*please take your nap.
*hartmann, the potty is not a toy.
*just because it's green doesn't mean it's gross. please just eat it.
*why do you only want me to play with you when the phone rings?
*hartmann, put the kitty down. hartmann, put him down! hartmann....oh never mind, you'll get scratched then maybe you'll learn.
*if one more action figure pokes me in the butt when i'm trying to bathe, i swear........
*bedtime is NOT the enemy. your toys will still be here in the morning, waiting for you.

really, i could go on. and on. and on.

my point? there are lots of complaints/headaches/etc. that go along with being a momma.
but? if you have these thoughts it means you ARE a momma. you GET to be one.

mother's day makes me think of all the woman who aren't mommies.

maybe they are trying & it just hasn't happened yet.
maybe they've had a babe inside, but lost it.
maybe they birthed a child, then had to bury it.
maybe they are stuck somewhere in the lengthy process of adoption.
maybe they've been told just simply can't.

how difficult it must be for them everyday. but especially mother's day. i know that longing, that ache, to be a mom. that emptiness that can only be filled by one thing. the uncertainty of wondering & waiting for something that is not guaranteed, just because you have all the right parts.

a day that is so wonderful & happy for a lot of us can be a sad, painful reminder to others.

this mother's day, i pray i will always remember that all those day-to-day complaints exist because

I AM A MOM.

something that should never, ever by taken for granted.

{giveaway!}

2011-03-28T15:21:00.000-05:00

wanna win one of these?

go here to find out how!! (don't comment on THIS post. comment at my sew called life.)

has she lost her mind?

2011-03-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

nope, just feeling generous!

i've done some price reductions & set up a discount code to my shop. Go check out all the sale/discount details HERE.

while you're there, please follow my new blog and check out my new shop

have a fantastic weekend!

etsy shop is open

2011-03-22T15:39:00.000-05:00

please come check out my new blog! follow me! leave a comment to say hello!! http://sewcalledlife.blogspot.com/

my new shop is now open for business!! if you read the new blog, you will find a handy little discount code....that ends TONIGHT!

my shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/agurski

thanks!

hold on, just a little bit tighter baby

2011-02-24T15:58:00.000-06:00

part of me ~~likes it~~ doesn't mind too much when my child falls down, bumps his head, bites his lip, etc.

{why?}

because then, & only then, he actually lets me hold him. he snuggles up close, holds on to me tightly, nuzzles his head into my neck, & tucks himself perfectly under my chin.

ya know, the way newborns do when you pick them up. every.single.time.

my child is on the move now. which means he'd much rather run around, play with his toys, chase the cat, feed the dog his crumbs, shut & open every door in the house, & even stare at the dust bunny in the corner than be held by me. ME. HIS MOM.

hello, hartmann? remember me? the woman who gave you life? good ol'mom?

now when i try to pick him up & hold him? squirming, fidgeting, pushing against me, pulling away from me, struggling to get down. he's all, "noooooooo momma."

i know he loves me. i know i'm still his favorite. yes i am. be quiet.

but i only get to hold him, really hold him, when he falls down, bumps something, scrapes something, smashes something, etc.

even though i would do anything to keep him safe, i will always be the first one there when he falls, with open arms, completely ready to hold him. tightly.

for as long as he wants.

{you are my sunshine}

2011-02-03T16:50:00.001-06:00

first of all, let me just state that i'm a very bad crafter. there are no before pictures, only after. sorry.

* * * * * * * *

ok. so what do you get when you add the following?

3 days of being snowed in + an ok-but-somewhat-boring black & white guest bed + a yellow top with missing beading + a gray top with a big stain on the back + a random embellishment from a really ugly maternity top + a crafty, stir-crazy momma?

this. you get this my friends.

just the extra bit of sunshine that my guest bedroom, & myself, really needed on a cold winter day.

{i used to think boys were gross}

2011-02-02T10:29:00.000-06:00

my favorite color is pink.

bright pink, light pink, baby pink, rose pink, fushia, doesn't matter.

i love pink.

i also love bubble baths, hot tea, nail polish, handbags, really expensive handbags, shoes, chocolate, ruffles, flowers, & lace.

i prefer to be inside. i do not like to sweat. i'm not athletic. in school, i hated PE. HA.TED.

i go shopping. a lot. well, not so much anymore now that i'm a homeowner & a mother. translation? mortgage + kid = very little (read: none) expendible income.

i do not understand sports. nor, do i want to understand sports. i do not understand why grown men scream at the tv just because a play went wrong. i do not understand why grown men cry about winning or losing a game. i do not understand what would entice people to pay $900 just to park at the super bowl. to me? it's all just a game.

i like to clean, i like to smell good, & i spare no expense when it comes to candles. seriously? one in every room.

i have more clothes than i know what to do with. & tubes of lipstick. & bottles of perfume.

my point? i am a girlie girl.

self-proclaimed.

& i'm totally fine with that.

so naturally, child bearing has always brought thoughts of a girl. ruffle butts, hair bows bigger than the planet, nail polish on teensy tiny toes, ear piercing (when it's appropriate, not when she's 3 months old), & pink.

pink nursery, pink blankets, pink onesies, pink bows, pink bottles. pink y'all.

like the inside of the pepto bismol factory.

but y'all? as the mom of a little boy?

COULD.NOT.BE.HAPPIER.

i do not mind that "give mommy a kiss" results in a "Oh, thank you for the headbutt."

i do not mind that tickling always results in a fart.

i do not mind that learning to walk results in bumps and bruises that don't even phase him.

i do not mind that he's learning to climb on EVERYTHING with a devil-may-care attitude

i do not mind that even after a warm bubble bath, there is still that lingering little boy smell

i do not mind that everything is blue, brown, black, or grey.

i do not mind that the entire contents of dicks sporting goods is filling up my playroom.

having a boy is fun. plain & simple.

there's nothing girly, fancy, or ruffly about it.

but i wouldn't trade it for anything.

{walking}

2011-01-30T20:46:00.000-06:00

{nothing goes to waste}

2011-01-29T11:34:00.000-06:00

look what you can make with one yard of printed fabric, one yard of solid fabric for lining, one yard of felt interfacing, and 2 zippers

ruffled clutch, perfect for quick errands. hangs right on the stroller handle. lightweight, but roomy enough for small wallet, iphone, lipgloss, powder compact, sunglasses, a few diapers/wipes

rosette makeup bag, roomie enough for everything you need to get beautiful!

ruffled tote bag. this was my 1st, so it's a bit rough around the edges. roomie enough for, well, everything! 2 inside pockets as well

all three projects? about 2-3 days (only a few hours at a time) & about $25 dollars.

business in the making, yes??

hmmm................

{you know you're a mom if.....}

2011-01-28T21:12:00.000-06:00

You shake out your bra at the end of the day & cheerios rain down.

You smell the crispy stand in your hair & you can instantly tell if it's snot, spit up, or formula.

You have, on more than one occasion, tasted something just to figure out the answer to "what is this?".

No bubble bath is complete without a stray toy finding it's way to a weird place on your body.

You can successfully navigate through the minefield of toys on the floor, only to trip on a stray sock.

There is a diaper in the bottom of every bag you own.

& a goldfish (smushed), & a toy, & a paci, & a........

Even in a room of twenty you know when it's yours that is crying or poopy.

Your knowledge of current events is limited to what Handy Manny fixed that day & what "mouse-ka-tools" Mickey used

Your first name has been replaced by (insert your child's name here) 's mom.

You can do your face in 3 minutes.

You can't remember the last time you peed with the door shut.

You hide in the closet to eat your favorite snack so that you don't end it sharing half of it (or more).

Every dr apt, hair apt, phone conversation, errand, etc revolves around when nap time is set to begin/end.

You've memorized the entire layout of the grocery store so you can be in & out in 20 minutes max.

You check the clothing label before you buy anything for yourself; if it's dry clean only, it goes back on the rack OR.......You never actually buy anything for yourself.

Your best friends are known to you as Billy's mom, Jake's mom, Suzie's mom, etc.

You can always find the pacifier. Even under the crib, even at 2 am.

You've used your own mouth to clean the pacifier.

At restaurants, you only order entrees that can easily be shared &something your kid will eat.

You have discovered a new palette of colors to describe poop & mucus.

You can utilize every square inch of every purse/bag/backbag you own.

You know your a mom if.....
You wipe away boo boos, dry tears, cheer for them, cry with them, fight for them, dream for them, believe in them, pray for them, & love them w/o question.

Every day.

{i dare you to top this one}

2011-01-13T10:47:00.000-06:00

collared shirts & bare little boy feet in the grass

i die from the cuteness.

that is all.

you just never really know

2011-01-11T15:28:00.000-06:00

i know y'all don't need a reminder about how precious life is & how it can all change in an instant. but, these reminders needs to be passed along.

because you just never really know.

i'm sure this sweet lady had no idea when she woke up this morning that her life was going to be completely altered.

she had no idea what was waiting for her in the next breath.

i'm sure that sheyb's cousins had no idea about what would happen just one week after they said hello to their sweet Levi.

no idea what was coming next.

none of us do.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

are these stories supposed to scare us & depress us? no. that's not my intent anyway.

however, i do hope these stories simply remind us.

remind us that it doesn't really matter if we are behind in laundry, if our kid is a picky eater, if we weigh more than we want, or if our spouse never picks up his dirty socks (ahem).

what matters, what should matter, is that:

*we have clothes to wear, clean or dirty
*that we have healthy children, picky or not
*that we have food to enjoy, even if we enjoy a little too much
*that we have a spouse, even if he's one that doesn't clean up after himself

this came at the perfect time. just when i needed a big dose of reality.

so if you have time, please read these stories & pray for these families. if not, please just pray.

God will know; he always does.

{resolution}

2011-01-06T15:36:00.001-06:00

{resolution}

noun

definition:

the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose

* * * * * * * * *

when most people think of the word resolution, they think of action. you must be resolve to:

DO something

STOP doing something

TRY something new

LEARN something different

BE something better

this year i have a different take on making a resolution.

my resolution is to simply be.

be still

be quiet

{just be}

i don't need to pressure myself to DO anything:

stop shopping

lose weight

make/save more money

find a new job

have a baby

etc, etc, etc

for me, resolution is like the definition above. it's a mental state or quaility of just being.

i just want to be present. present for myself, present for my husband, present for my son. i don't feel the need to make all these grand plans (not that planning ahead is a bad thing). but sometimes, i feel the urge to just live each day as it comes. if i want to start exercizing (yeah right) & i happen to drop a few pounds, great. if the opportunity comes up to make more money, great. if God blesses with another pregnancy in 2011, great. if a different job opportunity presents itself, great.

but....

i don't feel the need to seek these things out. if they happen or come my way, i will embrace them. but i'm not laying them out in front of me like a never ending to-do list & then working myself sick to make them happen, only to be disappointed if they don't.

so i'm simply resolving to be resolved

to be still

{be still, and know that I am God}

Psalm 46:10

p.s. i hope you will be very proud to see that i have, in fact, kept up with my project 365. don't believe me? click the camera button, top left column, & see for yourself. ok, so i realize it's only day 6, but y'all, i've stuck with it! please check it out!

project 365

2011-01-03T15:30:00.000-06:00

ok, so i'm doing something i've contemplated doing for years. but, i've never done it because i was afraid i would forget, get insanely far behind with no hopes of catching up, & then just look really flakey & stupid.

but this is my year. i'm pledging to do a project 365. you know how it goes. you take a picture everyday to chronicle your year. it can be a cute kid, a great outfit/piece of jewelry that gets you lots of compliments, a yummy dinner, a nice bottle of wine, a pretty sunset, a flower from your garden, something you make, something you like, anything.

now as tempting & as easy as it would be, i promise to not just stick up 365 days of my kid. i happen to think he's the most insanely adorable little boy ever, but......

a) some of you have your own kids, so i'm sure you think THEY are the cutest ones ever (as you should!)
b) 365 days of my kid would be boring to everyone besides me & my mom
c) attempting to get him to look at the camera for 365 days in a row?? are you kidding me??? no thanks!

so, i promise to be creative. & i promise to do one everyday so that this is a fun project & not a oh yeah that, i forgot, i'll catch up later, oh never mind kind of thing.

i want to enjoy it, not be burdened by it.

so i really do promise on getting one posted everyday.

hopefully.

please hold me to this!!

~~to check up on me~~ i mean, to view each day, click on that pretty little camera button at the top left, under my header. it will take you to a calendar where you can see a new photo of my life each day.

enjoy!!

2010 in posts

2010-12-31T17:04:00.000-06:00

january    the one where hartmann laughs

february   the one where i become my mother

march       the one where i actually get published!
               yes, published!! visit HERE for more information
                the one where i totally rock motherhood (kinda)

april         the one where i get really scared

may         the one where blair visits   yes, THE blair

june        the one where we move

july         the one where i lighten up on myself

august    the one where i attempt to apologizing for not blogging

september the one where i completely rain on women's lib

october    the one where i remember my two sweet babes
               the one where i long to be uncomfortable

november the one that i had to re-write 3 times because i kept crying

december the one where we call on GOD

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

whew. that was fun. & tiring. & entertainnig. it's fun, nostaligic, & sometimes weird to go back & relieve your year. to read about things that were important to you then but not so much now. or things that weren't important then but are so much more now.

i learned alot about myself this year. 2010 taught be how to be a mom, how to truly enjoy being a mom, & how to still somehow manage to be a wife & a teacher & balance it all. just barely.

we cleaned out, packed up memories, & sold our first house. we unpacked, moved to a new house, & created new memories. we turned a new house into our home. slowly but surely, but we'll probably never be really finished.

friends had babies, friends lost babies.

thankfully, we saw good health, as did our close friends & family.

we played peek-a-boo, we tickled, we giggled, we splashed, we sang, we danced, we clapped, we kissed feverish foreheads, we welcomed new teeth, we should have bought stock in enfamil.

he crawled, tried new foods, learned to hold his own bottle, pulled up, learned a bazillion new things, turned one, & completely changed in every way possible.

fortunately, unlike so many others, we both kept our jobs. & our sanity.

most importantly, we survived. i survived adjusting to being a new mom (working mom at that!), dealing with post partum anxiety, & learning i can't do it all & shouldn't do it all. the husband survived becoming a new dad, filling in when i couldn't, & being our rock.

but we more than survived, we thrived.

we learned more about life & more about ourselves. we learned that the size of our home & our bank account are only a minor details. we learned that nothing is better than being at home, together.

tonight, we will ring in the New Year at home. no big parties, no fancy cocktail dresses, no sparkling Times Square (we actually did that one year. in the cold. with about 5 million of our closest strangers. fun to say you've done it, but not again thanks.)

just me, the husband, & the boy. 2 glasses of wine, 1 cup of juice, lots of kisses come midnight.

from our home to yours, we wish the happiest of new years.

{hartmann's baptism}

2010-12-16T08:00:00.001-06:00

we had hartmann baptized, dedicated, whatever you wanna call it, on Sunday, December 12th. different religions call it different things {& i am not even going to attempt to blog about religion, mmmkay?} point is, we recognized the fact that hartmann is not simply ours; he is a gift from GOD. so we pledged in front of family & friends that we confess our sinfulness, our weakness, & our inability to raise our child alone. we need help from our family, our friends, & most of all, our LORD. we prayed, our family prayed, & our church prayed that hartmann's upbringing would happen in a christain home, in partnership with a Godly church.

it was so wonderful to have our family & our church support us at such an important milestone. i pray that hartmann sees in his dad a man of God. i pray that hartmann sees a firm but gentle leader of our family, a dedicated father, & a loving husband.

i pray that hartmann's life be filled with Godly examples, both male & female. examples of truth, servitude, humility, kindness, faithfulness, patience {ouch, really need to work on that one}, and love.

& now, a few pictures from the day

hartmann's invitations that i made

mom, they are pouring water where?!?

our family

{cut, rip, tie, repeat}

2010-12-15T17:33:00.000-06:00

y'all? i love to craft. especially when it's easy. & cheap. {insert $2.00 hooker joke here}

but when it's practically free? even better.

& seriously? if you can cut, rip, & tie, you can do this.

1. gather up old fabric remanents or go buy some if you don't have any. me? i used an old maternity dress that i never wore because it make me look even larger than i already was, an old t-shirt, & a few of my son's old onesies.

2. cut fabric (or old clothes) in strips. no fancy measurements, just eyeball it. want a really large, fat garland? use strips that are long & wide. thinner garland? shorter, skinnier strips. it's really up to you. i didn't even cut mine. i started with a small cut, then ripped. made for jagged, frayed edges to give it more of a rustic look.

3. measure whatever you are draping your garland on. staircase banister, mantle, mirror, whatever. using a strong string {i used twine} cut a length slightly longer than whatever you will be draping. again y'all, no measurements here. just think about how long or short you want the garland. tie a loop & knot at one end so you can hang it.

4. to assemble, simply tie the fabric strips on the twine. make a pattern or don't. close together or spaced out. it's up to you! i tied mine really close together, in no pattern at all, to make it really fat & rustic.

5. when your garland is ready, tie a loop & knot on the other end. voila!

go ahead & make one {or lots!}

{hello, anyone home?}

2010-12-13T14:14:00.000-06:00

if you are still reading me, well, kudos to you. seriously. i just spent some time going back and re-reading old posts.

& y'all?

i was funny! my posts had character, wit, sarcasam, & of course...pictures of the the cutest kid EVAH. not that i'm tooting my own horn, my i like to think my writing was at least mildly entertaining. & if it wasn't? well, at least i had some really cute pictures to make you keep coming back for more.

lately though, i've not written much. & when I have written, it's been fluff. recommending giveaways, giving some lame excuse about not blogging because i'm tired, or complaining about the job.

no more, my friends. because i've got so much to tell you! so much fun stuff has been happening lately.

& also, because i love blogging & i love my blogging friends. & y'all deserve much better than all this junk i've been throwing out there.

so if you are still with me, please stay a little longer! coming soon:

1. Hartmann's birthday party
2. Hartmann's baptism
3. Our home, dressed for the holidays
4. A very fun, very easy, practically FREE christmas DIY tutorial
5. The launch of something really BIG

so get cozy & stay awhile.

please?

{merry christmas}

2010-12-10T11:22:00.001-06:00

our 2010 christmas card, made by moi.
{click to enlarge}

2010-12-10T11:08:00.000-06:00

y'all there is a super awesome giveaway going on at The Vintage Pearl today! Erin is giving away 5 (YES!! 5!!!) $50 gifts, to use anyway you want! Go enter! Seriously. Erin? amazing. Her jewelry? beautiful.

nuff said.

{eclectic}

2010-12-07T18:08:00.000-06:00

i've been told my running (errr, walking) playlist is eclectic.....

revolution - the beatles
hit the road jack - ray charles
fighter - christina aguilera
times' a wastin - johnny cash & june cash
stuck in the middle with you - bob dylan
night time - ray charles
your smiling face - james taylor
got to get you into my life - beatles
better together - jack johnson
jackson - johnny cash & june cash
saturday in the park - chicago

i don't see it.

{swirling}

2010-11-18T17:40:00.000-06:00

i have so many thoughts in my head today. just swirling around. so fast, they're gone before i can catch them. leaves me feeling unsettled & restless. which i hate. so this post may be really random, so forgive me.

actually, don't forgive me. it's my blog & i'll be random if i wanna, k?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

wow. it's been a long time since i've blogged. sorry about that. if anyone out there actually cares. work sucks the life out of me. & any life i happen to have left is devoted to my son. who seriously y'all, changes by the minute. the MINUTE. no joke. it's awesome & terrifying all at the same time. how is he already one?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

speaking of work, well, there's a topic for the ages. who doesn't complain about their job? more importantly, who wants to hear someone else complain about their job? no one. so let's not call it complaining, let's call it......umm.....well let's see........ok.......complaining. where is the joy? i used to love teaching. (hope my boss isn't reading.) i used to leave school everyday knowing that my kids had learned something. knowing that they loved school & they loved me. sure, maybe they weren't genuises when they left me, but they learned, they had fun, & they knew school was a safe & inviting place. now? well, i don't know if they are learning because there is no time to teach! no time for fun! i can't remember the last time i got out glue sticks and construction paper with my kids. nope, no time for that. too busy cramming reading & writing down their throat. stuff that some of them aren't even ready for yet. if i'm not having fun teaching, then i'm pretty dang sure they aren't having fun learning.

gee, wonder why they have such a hard time listening, sitting still, & participating? did i mention that i teach kindergarten? Y'ALL. kindergarten. not high school, not college, not graduate school. heaven forbid we do anything just for fun.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

is it bad that a glass (or four) of wine is becoming a nightly thing? every night? come on people, you know i'm not the only one.......

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

wondering if i should talk to dr. about my meds. oh little white pill, how i love you. you work your little tail off to correct my post-pardum hormones. but sometimes, i feel a little too zen. a little too chill. which at times can be nice. but sometimes i want to shake myself and yell "wake up!" like when a coworker asks me if i want to do something a certain way & my response is "i don't know" but in my head i'm thinking "i really don't care....." i just don't like the feeling of being so passive, indifferent.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

how many more days until thanksgiving break?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

i wish i could get a paycheck for doing something i love. anyone out there want to pay me for writing? cooking? decorating? designing holiday cards & invitations on the computer?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

anyone else think the term "working mom" is redundant?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

i love being a wife & mom. if money were no object, i'd be happy doing just that. all day, everyday, for the rest of my life. (husband's boss, if you are reading this, please make this possible my raising my husband's salary. k? thanks.)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

ok...probably enough randomness for one day. i promise that one day, when my energy returns, i will blog about something that's actually worth reading.

{one blink}

2010-11-09T19:52:00.002-06:00

that's all it takes. one blink. an instant. & life is forever changed, altered in some way. sometimes good, sometimes bad.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

{October 29, 1929} black thursday. the largest stock market crash in history. jobs disappear, families starve. life is altered.

{December 7, 1941 7:55 am} The Japenese begin their military air raid attack on the the US navy fleet stationed in Pearl Harbor. war is born. life is altered.

{November 22, 1963 12:30 pm} shots are fired at the motorcade carrying President JFK. a president dies. a nation mourns. life is altered.

{September 11, 2001 7:35 am} American Airlines Flight 11 is boarded by the first of the day's many hijackers. same day, moments later, 8:46 am Flight 11 slams into the North Face of the North Tower of WTC in NYC. similar attacks quickly follow. lives are lost. families are destroyed. life is altered.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

i could keep going. there are so many examples throughout history where life is changed in an instant. but i don't need to keep going......you get it.

the events mentioned above affect us all. our lives (or our parents' lives or grandparents' lives) where instantly changed when stock prices, presidents, and buildings crashed down. but there are also good moments where our life can change in an instant. change for the better. change for the wonderful.

mid to late February, 2009 thanks to a plastic stick and my urge to go the bathroom, i saw this

yes, i saved them. & yes, i took a picture of them. so get it out of your system now

ewww gross yuck

are we done? ok, moving on.

life is altered

approximately 6-8 weeks later, i see the most glourious image i've ever seen. one i thought i'd never see.

life is altered.

June 24, 2009 i see the first glimpse of my son, being confirmed as my son

life is altered

November 9, 2009 7:52 pm i am given the greatest gift i will ever receive

life is altered. big time.

November 9, 2010 7:52 pm, as i type. (check the timestamp at the bottom) my son is one. & on his 1st birthday, i find myself collecting all the "one blinks" i can get my hands on. because it really is that fast folks. one blink & he is

crawling.

pulling up.

on the verge of walking.

talking.

reaching for me every morning.

crying to get his way.

understanding the word "no."

using his cute smile to his advantage.

learning to throw his toys.

then laughing about it.

driving his car.

shooting hoops into his little basketball goal.

got a mouthful of teeth.

claps for himself.

plays with my iPhone.

dances to music.

eating everything i will let him.

becoming his own little person.

& i don't want to miss anything. not even

{one blink}

happy birthday to my sweet boy!

{your the best thing that's ever been mine}

2010-11-08T08:15:00.000-06:00

well, taylor swift, unfortunately your bubblegum pop tune doesn't exactly apply in this situation.

as i sit here on the eve of my son's 12 month birthday, i can't help but think he is the best thing in my life. he's the best thing that belongs to me. he's the best thing that's mine.

only he's not mine.

yes, his bun was in my oven. yes, i gave birth to him. biologically speaking, he came from me.

but he's not really mine. he belongs to GOD. which is so hard for me to remember. when i snuggle him closely & rock him in last peaceful 20 minutes of our day together, i feel like he's part of me. he's mine. when we look at each other & laugh, like two friends over a shared secret, i think "we belong to each other, you're mine." when i see his beautiful face, hear his sweet laughter, and watch him do all the amazinginly brillant things he does, i want to take credit. I did all the work, right?!?!

only i can't really take credit. i was simply the vessel through which he entered the earth. i didn't create him. i didn't design his uniqueness. i didn't give him his papa's blue eyes, his daddy's sideways smirk, or even my gift of gab. i'm not the one who made him so pleasant and sweet. i had nothing to do with all his wondefulness.

{it's a GOD thang y'all}

as parents, it's so hard not to swell with pride at every wonderful thing your child is/says/does. because you're supposed to swell with pride at every wonderful thing your child is/says/does. but at the same time, i need to remember that it's only by divine design that my child is who he is. & it's only by the grace of God that i get to be his momma. God chose me to raise this child. ME.

so, i pray that i will always remember the maker. i pray that i will always give thanks to the one who created & gave life to you, my sweet son. i pray i will always be humbled by the blessing of being a mother, his mother.

happy 1st birthday to my lil' man. may you grow to be a boy & a man of the Lord.

the best day

2010-11-05T08:00:00.005-05:00

“What is the best day of your life?”

What a loaded question!

I can’t really think of a “best day” before Hartmann was born. I guess I could say my wedding day, except it went by so fast that all I really remember was going through a Wendy’s drive-thru with Josh at midnight because neither of us really got a chance to eat. Truly sad, considering the hours I spent agonizing over every menu choice.

Steak or chicken? Pasta or Salad? Sit down or buffet?

I digress.

Sure, there have been some really great moments in my life – the first time I held my baby brother, seeing the pride in my parents face at my college graduation, telling my husband I loved him for the first time, greeting the expectant little faces of my first kindergarten class.

But the “best day?” Always been a toughie for me to decide.

Until November 2009.

The first few days in the hospital.

Those hushed, tender days of uncertainty and expectation.
Oh how I wish I could re-live them over & over again. & sometimes my heart feels a little sad that I’ll never have those exact same days back.

Hartmann was here. & he was perfect. When he first came out, I remember seeing my husband’s tears. I remember my mom barely managing to choke out “He’s here & his eyes are open & so big!” I remember holding my breath, just waiting to hear that first scream. To know that he was healthy and ok. I remember thinking it was hours before they finally placed him in my arms.

Not long after, we were wheeled out of Labor & Delivery & into the postpartum wing of the hospital. I can still remember the stark contradiction between the cold hospital air on my face as I was pushed through the halls and the hot bundle of baby in my arms. It was very late at night when we settled into our room. As the nurses buzzed in & out, my parents came in. I’ll never forget my dad’s face at that moment. That first moment when my father saw me as a mother.

But the moment I hold deepest in my heart was the first night with my son. My parents & our friends had gone. Josh left to get a shower. It was just me & Hartmann. I remember the nurse asking me if I want her to take Hartmann to the nursery so I could sleep. I instantly said no, that I wanted him to stay with me. She smiled knowingly and suggested that I let him sleep on my chest. Skin to skin.

So off came everything but his diaper. I laid him directly on my chest, under my hospital gown, & snuggled him down. He instantly melted to my form, as if he were an extension of me. He fit perfectly & we slept together like that all night. Well actually, he slept & I wavered between dozing off & starting at him in awe.

In the wee hours of the morning, a nurse came to collect him. She assured me she would bring him back after the doctor did his follow up check of Hartmann’s vitals. I reluctantly let him go & quickly fell asleep. The next time I woke up, the nurses were tapping on our door. They wheeled Hartmann in & I still remember feeling my heart in my throat when I saw his blonde hair in the bassinet. I didn’t even know how much I missed him until I saw him. & I gathered him up in my arms, holding him tight & marveling at his perfection.

& when it was time to leave the hospital? I was ready to go. But I also felt a little strange. We would be leaving the little space that we had occupied for days. We would be leaving that safe little nest we had built for ourselves; the snug cocoon where we first got to know our son.

{we would be fully in charge of this little life}

His 1st birthday is careening down upon me in a matter of days. I’m not sure that I am ready for it. As I remember back to those first days, those first cries, the frustrations of learning how to breastfeed, the perfect way to do the football hold, how to carefully wash and dress his healing belly button, the way he loved to be swaddled, how he would nestle his little head up under my chin, I ache to re-live them. I long for that little 8 pound bundle that fit the crook of my arm.

Yet I am so proud of the little man that now dangles from my lap.

cool giveaway

2010-11-01T09:46:00.000-05:00

short & sweet today cuz i'm in a hurry. cool giveaway. go here. thanks.

I'm all ears

2010-10-27T17:27:00.000-05:00

I'm restless.

Not in a mom-I'm-bored-it's-raining-there's-nothing-to-do-I-played-with-that-toy-already kind of restless. It's more like a state of general unrest. Content with my life but not fulfilled. Happy but not completely satisfied.

I feel like God is calling me to do more; something else. Be a part of something bigger than myself. I feel like he's asking me to take a big leap of faith. Give something up. Become...uncomfortable.

Because lately, I've felt so comfortable. Safe. Settled.

Like, what am I REALLY doing?

You might be thinking "but you're a teacher & a wife & a mom. you do a lot!"

Really? Do I? I mean sure, being a teacher & a wife & a mom is hard work. & yes, it's important work. But I love it. there's nothing else i'd rather be doing. I don't wake up every morning & think groan, i've got to be a teacher, a wife, a mom today. i have a great husband who doesn't make my life hard. i have a beautiful, healthy son who is nothing but a joy. i work in a very affluent district where children are not coming to me hungry, dirty, and starved for attention. so, I don't have to persevere through doing any of these things.

What am I really sacrificing? How is it stretching me, making me uncomfortable?

I love this line from a song I hear often on the radio: "I throw a $20 in the plate but I never give till it hurts."

It's not hard for me to give to the church monthly. Make a meal for a friend who just had a baby. Offer to watch the kids of mom whose husband was recently deployed because she desparately needs a break. Volunteer in the church nursery. Give up my seat in the waiting room for an ederly person. Take a pie to the new neighbor. Look after a friend's dog while they're on vacay.

all those things are good. great.

but are they really selfless? where's the sacrafice on my part? how is doing those things making me less selfish, more of a servant, truly humbled?

I want to give more. I want it to hurt a little bit. I don't want to just give my money or a little bit of my time. I want to sacrafice for others. I want God to push me out of my comfort zone. Make me passionate about something. I do very little in this world that is entirely for or about someone else. There is very little in my walk with the Lord that challenges me. I want there to be more. I want to do more. i want it to be hard, dirty, tiring.

{but what?}

is God calling me to:

*adopt a child with special needs or a child that comes from adverse circumstances?
*work with orphans?
*counsel people through difficult situations (ie. abuse, teen moms, poverty, crime, etc)?
*misson work?
*work with children in ways that might not be pleasant (ie. those who live in poverty, are terminally ill, have been abused, etc)?

I don't know just yet. But I know he's calling me to do more.

So God?

I'm listening. I'm all ears.

never forgotten, never replaced

2010-10-15T10:01:00.000-05:00

today is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Day. so many women are touched by this sadness. & if you haven't been, then it's impossible to fully understand.

i have. twice. 2 precious babies that i held in my body, but never in my arms. but they were babies just the same.

when i remember back to those sad times, i still remember all the words i received from friends and family. most of the words were comforting. women who had been there, experienced it themselves.

but some of the words, despite best intentions i'm sure, didn't bring comfort. i remember some people saying:

"at least it happened early on"

"just be glad you weren't further along"

folks, you can agree or disagree with me, i don't really care. but a baby is a life at conception. not at the first ultrasound, the first heartbeat, the birth. conception.

so to me, those 2 babies were very real. they were human, they were a life, they had souls.

sweet souls that are now with jesus. i miss them everyday. i never saw their precious faces, heard their sweet cries, i didn't even know their gender. but i grieve for them & what might have been. even the live birth of my son hartmann doesn't replace them. seeing him play and grow dulls the pain of those children that were not meant to be, but i haven't forgotten. i will never forget.

babies i held in my body, but never in my arms.

heaven is brighter because of you.

ps. send some special love today to anyone you know who has been touched by miscarriage.

{donna reed, i heart you}

2010-09-30T18:08:00.000-05:00

disclaimer: i am about to say what some will consider as anti-feminist. my forthcoming musings may be seen by some as setting the women's lib movement back 50 years. however, just because i've never felt the need to burn my bra doesn't make me anti-women's rights. so, if you are highly feminist and get offended easily, you may need to consider politely escorting yourself away from this blog

what was so wrong with the way things were in the early 50s? i mean, think about it for a sec, will ya? WWII had just ended, husbands/fiances/boyfriends came home, women abandoned their factory jobs & the war effort to return to running their households. life was simple. girls had role models like june cleaver and donna reed, instead of lindsay lohan, brittney spears, and ~~not sure if she's really a~~ lady ga-ga. men lead their families, women took care of their families. men worried about mortgages, bills, & finances. women worried about school lunches, vaccinations, & play-dates. neighbors knew other neighbors. it was safe for kids to host neighborhood bake sales and lemonade stands. people respected the president. women vacuumed in pearls and petticoats. parties were given just for fun (not to buy stuff) & women never showed up without something for the hostess. tv was wholesome. heck, desi & lucy slept in different beds, for pete's sake!

& phrases like "heck" & "pete's sake" were considered slang (gasp!)

now, i'm not saying that this era was without problems. sure, they worried about the russians, aka the "commies." there were fall-out shelters and air raid drills. we were in a space race against the famous Sputnik. the Korean War was quickly followed by the Vietnam War. nuclear weapons had a lot of folks paranoid.

so, the world wasn't perfect then either. i get it.

BUT......

women weren't expected to "do it all." there was no worry about family-career balance. we weren't pressured to become super woman. our job was to take care of our family. iron shirts for our husbands, put notes in our kids' lunches, clean our homes, & join PTA. a happy husband & well-behaved children were a reflection on us. that was our goal, the jewel in our crown.

another disclaimer: i am not saying that women of the 50s were mindless, pretty little things whose only purpose was to serve their man, be pregnant & barefoot, seen but not heard, etc. woman of the 50s had to possess a lot of important skills. they had to be loving, nurturing, hard-working, resourceful, thrifty, & smart with time-management & multi-tasking.

BUT THEN AGAIN......

we were not expected to work outside of the home. i guess we could if we really wanted to, but we didn't have to. we weren't greeted with the condescending "ohhh" for being a stay-at-home-mom. i don't think that term even existed. staying at home & running a household was the norm. we could pride ourselves on doing it without feeling guilty.

we could vote, we could drive, we could be in mixed company. we had access to contraceptives. we could have as much or as little formal education as we wanted.

we had rights. but we weren't looked down upon if we didn't exercise them.

you don't have to agree with me. that's ok. i'm not saying this is the only way to think. it's just the way i think.

& sometimes i think i wouldn't mind of it were a "man's world" again.

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

She is worth more than precious rubies.

Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.

She will not hinder him but help him all her life.

She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.

She is like a merchant's ship; she brings her food from afar.

She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls.

She goes out to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.

She watches for bargains; her lights burn late into the night.

Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.

She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.

She has no fear of winter for her household because all of them have warm clothes.

She quilts her own bedspreads. She dresses like royalty in gowns of finest cloth.

Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council meeting with the other civic leaders.

She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants.

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future.

When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions.

She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness.

Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:

"There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all"

~ Proverbs 31: 10-31~

{pssssst}

2010-09-29T11:12:00.000-05:00

i have a secret. i've always thought about adopting. i can have my own children. i have had my own child. i want to have more of my own.

but, i've always had adoption in the back of my mind too. especially now that i'm a mom. being a mom is like nothing else. giving love to a child is amazing. it makes me so sad to know that some kids won't know that love. i feel like i have so much love....why not specially CHOOSE a child to give some of that love to?

i don't know.....maybe.....someday. i don't know if i am actually being called yet by God to adopt. it's not something that i feel deep down in my bones....yet. i've just always been open to the idea.

but if i never do adopt, i definitely would love to help other families adopt. whether its couples who can't have their own, or couples who simply chose to give a child a second chance.

one way i'm helping right now is by spreading the word about THIS.

read below.......

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

On Nov. 4-7, 2010, Worthy of the Prize will be hosting an auction to benefit adopting families. Ever heard of two birds, one stone? You'll have a chance to buy some great holiday gifts and at the same time help out some families that are trying to bring their children home! Which is the greater gift??? Mark your calendar and be there! You may want to follow them so you don't miss it.

Also if you have an item that you'd like to donate to this auction please contact Worthy of the prize at worthyoftheprize@yahoo.com or find more info here!

unthankful thursday

2010-09-16T08:00:00.002-05:00

bet that title grabbed your attention. thankful thursday is a little different this week folks. thanks to a teeny tiny little verse i read this morning in my devotional:

{be thankful in everything}

1 Thessalonians 5:18

gulp. everything?? come on God. I'm thankful for lots of things...all the wonderful things in my life. but of course, who wouldn't be thankful for an amazing husband, a beautiful son, great friends and family, & the rest of life's blessings?? isn't that enough?

nope. the man said "everything."

so this week, i made a list of the things i'm unthankful for. thus, unthankful thursday was born.

enjoy.

* * * * * * *

1. i'm thankful that no matter how great i sleep, i'm still tired. wanna know why? because exhaustion means a lot. it means i have a job that keeps my mind & body active. it means i've been blessed with a family to take care of. it means i have a house to clean, clothes to wash, and dinner to be cooked. it means that my life is full.

2. i'm thankful for my bills and expenses. no, seriously. stop laughing. my mortgage means that i have a place to live. my AC bill ( in TEXAS, yikes) means that i have the ability to cool my home. my car payment means that i have a reliable mode of transportation. my ER bill from when i broke my little toe (& yes, that pain is worthy of a trip to the ER. trust me) means that i have access to medical care. my grocery bill means that i have a fully stocked fridge and pantry by which to feed my family with. my small monthly donation to our new church means i have a safe place to freely worship. do you know how many around the world can not say those same things? well, me neither, but i'm guessing it's a lot.

3. i'm thankful for life's general doldrums. home repairs, flat tires, sick children, long meetings. instead of complaining/moaning/worrying, i'm working on reminding myself that the aforementioned "problems" of life also mean that i have a home, a car, a child, & a job. & even having ONE of those things is more than some people around the world can claim.

* * * * * * *

{thankful in everything?}

i'm still a ways off, but i'm trying.

what are you unthankful this thursday?

{swooning}

2010-09-14T09:22:00.000-05:00

y'all i don't even have the words to tell you how beautiful these are. Go win one here!

umm....happy birthday?

2010-09-10T17:11:00.000-05:00

Dearest Hartmann,

Happy 10 month birthday (1 day late) and happy 9 month birthday (a month late). yikes. i think i just won the worst parent of the year award. hands down. i'd like to thank the academy.

momma didn't mean to be late, buddy. i just haven't felt like documenting your every move here on the blog. it used to be so easy. like when you were little, you didn't do much. so i had TONS of time to write about you not doing much. i found it widely fascinating that you would open and close your palms, staring at them for hours. really. i would go on and on about it.

but now?

now, you do so much. you army crawl. you sprout teeth overnight. you try to pull up on everything & scream in frustration when you can't figure it out. you throw your toys down from the high chair, lean over, & wave bye-bye to them. you've suddenly developed your own likes and dislikes, which randomly change. your once favorite blueberries are now the devil, and you scream for more peas (which you used to despise) when i get to the bottom of the jar. you talk. as in, no more just babbling....you use pauses, inflection, syllables.....it's actual talk. you kick your legs and squeal with delight over mickey's clubhouse and handy manny. doo-doo-doo-doo-doo handy manny.................

i've been so busy lately just sitting and marveling at you, memorizing your every move, & soaking up every "ma-ma" that these inter webs have sprouted a few cobwebs. the only thing i've done on here lately is a re-design. new header, new background....courtesy of moi. thank you, thank you......i know it's fab.

so despite that the calendar says i'm late, happy happy birthday to you my sweet boy. you change everyday and i constantly find myself in the conundrum of celebrating your growth yet wanting to freeze time. happy birthday to boy who gives me such an intense joy that it brings tears. happy birthday to my baby, who looks more like a little man each day. happy birthday to the little guy that is fiercely independently during the day, yet morphs back into my cuddly baby at night.

happy birthday to you, my son.

love, momma

hartmann's new fav face, 9 months

hartmann's first cold, 10 months

sweet irony

2010-09-03T17:20:00.000-05:00

so nine days into the school year and i'm already exhausted. completely wiped out. love ~~most of~~ the kids, love my awesome-tastic team. but tired y'all. like fall into bed right after my kid goes down at 8:30. yet still have to hit snooze twice, drag my you-know-what out of bed, and guzzle coffee to get me going.

& speaking of the whole coffee addiction? yeah, totally not my fault. it's in my genes. thanks dad.

& while we're at it, thanks for the wonderful Fletcher nose too. really. it's lovely.

i digress.

back to the point. exhaustion. so, i'm thinking to myself one day after school how i'd love to have a day off already. & this morning, i find myself up at school at 5:30 am is that actually a real hour making spur of moment, probably uber sucky, sub plans.

took the off for fun? played a little hookey? notsomuch.

hartmann, who i love so dearly, kept his momma up last night until 2 am. of course, not his fault, poor thing. i mean, i can't really blame him for not being able to sleep when he's trying to cough up a phlem ball the size of a small planet. but holding a small hot sweaty mess who doesn't want to be held is not fun. didn't want to rock, didn't want to be cradled, didn't want to be laid flat, didn't want a bottle, didn't want the swing, didn't want to lay on my chest in the recliner, didn't want............you get the idea right?

finally, FINALLY, at 2 am, he gave up. which means i slept for about 3 hours then got up to drive to school. made the plans, then raced back home so the husband to leave for work.

so, even though i got a glorious day off of work, i spent it with a very miserable, sad, sick little man.

who seems to be on the mend.

they like me, they really like me

2010-08-26T18:36:00.000-05:00

i am a bad blogger. i have not posted in ages. seriously y'all, it's been waaaaaay to long. i haven't not blogged on purpose. (ok so just re-read that sentence. doesn't exactly make sense. not going back to change it.)

FOCUS ASHLEY.

lack of blogging. right.

like i said, i have not meant to abandon the blogging world. i really enjoy it. i miss it when i don't blog regularly. want to know what else? i miss reading blogs too. i don't miss every blog i read, because i read so many. but there are a handful that i truly miss. some people i know, some people i don't know. but nonetheless, i miss my e-friends, even those i've never met. which i guess IS the definition of an e-friend - but you know what i mean.

but lately, blogging has seemed....i don't know. trivial? no that's not right. consuming? not exactly. i don't know the right word. it's not a chore, i haven't lost my passion for it. it's just that, well........

i guess my blog has just sorta taken a back seat. partly because i've gone back to teaching. that pretty much sucks the life out of me. & partly because......whatever life i have left in me at the end of day goes to this guy:

yes, that is my 9 month old son. ballin' in his own chair. at the circus. which he slept through.

i digress.

so, as much i as miss blogging, i miss him even more. days at work are fine. even fun, most of the time. but days at home this summer? well, nothing compares to that folks. NOTHING. because seriously y'all, everyday with an infant is different. overnight, & he's suddenly got all this hair. crazy new sounds that i swear sometimes are real words. mature facial expressions. A TOOTH.

kill me now. he's growing up waaaaaay too fast.

yes, every parent says that. but it's the honest truth. i will place my pretty little southern baptist hand on the ol' family bible and pledge my loyalty to every parenting cliche out there.

they grow so fast. time flies. i'm turning into my mother. my child is gifted. you get the idea.....

where was i? oh yeah, not blogging in lieu of face-time with my kid. so that's why i have not blogged ~~much~~ at all lately. i've really not even thought about it much. is that bad? i don't mean to be apathetic toward my blog. i figured not many people read it anyway right?

but turns out i was wrong. i'm not hilarious, wise, or profound. but a old friend said recently that she missed my posts. MY POSTS???? yep, that's right.

so maybe i need to try a little harder to find a balance between time with my son and time with my blog. because both are important. both give me joy. i express myself through both.

not equally. but still. i truly love both.

and sometimes i like to think that maybe someone who reads this can find their own little piece of importance, joy, or happiness from my randomness.

so, thank you friend-who-reached-out-to-me (you know who are). it's nice to know i was missed. even if it was only by you.

i hate clowns

2010-08-07T11:51:00.001-05:00

ok, well, not really. i suppose i don't hate them. but they freak me out. i don't know why. i've never had a particularly bad experience with clowns. i even laughed all the way through the movie "IT" and made fun of all the ridiculousness (that a word right?) of it.

i think it's the make-up. the painted on emotions. the fakeness. kinda like fake people. don't care for them either.

focus.

we are taking hartmann to the circus today. the big sha-bang. the real deal. we're talking ringling bros and barnum & bailey y'all. the greatest show on earth. with their catchy little title, ZING ZANG ZOOM.

only i'm hoping the ZING ZANG & ZOOM don't completely freak out my 9 month old son, leaving him scared for life.

or wanting to become circus people himself one day.

ps. not trying to hate on circus folk. just want my son to do something different with his life. just sayin.

motivation

2010-08-02T08:26:00.000-05:00

i have none. no, seriously. look at the date of the post below this one. july 23rd. that's 11 days ago people. 11 DAYS. that's a very long time in the blogging world. i promise my life is not so boring that i don't have anything to blog about. quite the opposite in fact. hartmann changes daily. DAILY. he's almost crawling, almost has a tooth in, says "dada" all.the.time. and looks like a little man in all his clothes.

see?

{sigh}

he's getting so big, so fast. he will be 9 months a week from today and time will continue to zoom on from there i'm sure. so, maybe i won't be blogging so much lately. because time blogging is time away from him. & if i miss him figuring out the quadratic formula or designing a plan for world peace because i'm busy blogging, well....that's just unacceptable.

(have i told you that my son is a genius? no? oh. well, he is)

so for now, posts will either be short & sweet & to the point because i'll be tapping them out late at night after he's gone to bed.......OR.......posts may continue to be as witty and clever as ever (& chock full of modesty!), just few and far between. like everything in life, it all has to find a balance.

balance. boy is that the buzz word lately or what? husband, baby, bible, household, errands, cooking, teaching, life. all needs to be balanced.

which is like being on a never ending see-saw ride.

{ if i could turn back time }

2010-07-23T17:01:00.000-05:00

no, this is not a post where i pay homage to cher. why? because.....

a) she's kinda creepy

b) i've never had to desire to wear head-to-toe leather

c) i'm not a sexually confused 16 year old boy

i digress.

no, this post is an explanation of my current state of thinking, courtesy of PPD/PPA.

hi, i'm ashley & i have PPD/PPA written next to my name on my medical chart.

did i really have it? maybe. or did my doctor (who's a male) over-diagnose me as an attempt to dodge my hormones? maybe.

but none of that matters. what matters is that something was definitely off. my mood, my hormones, my sleep schedule, my feelings of a defective dairy cow, my general outlook, everything. everything was off. new. foreign. empty. desperate.

but thanks to the LORD, my family & friends, meds (thank you, Lexapro), and the occasional glass of vino, things slooooowly returned to normal. not that normal actually exists. but things were back to how they were before i pushed the equivalent of a small watermelon through the equivalent of a needle eye. only better.

i finally saw my son. i finally saw myself as his mom.

but "recovering" (whatever that means) from PPD/PPA brought it's own problems.

mainly? guilt.

OMG. why didn't i cherish every single second? why did i make my husband put him to bed many a night because i just couldn't do it. where was i? I mean, I was there for most diaper changes, most baths, ALL feedings (thanks to being a woman)........but where was i really?

did i miss a smile? a coo? a giggle? did i miss those big blue eyes exuding that intense gaze? did i not feel every single sleepy graze of his hand against my bosom? did i miss one of those full-of-milk drunken gazes as he drifted off to sleep?

maybe. maybe my mental state did mark me absent for some of those moments. but not all of them. there are some nights where i remember that drunken gaze, that sleepy smile, that sweet graze against my skin, & that final sigh as he drifted into dream land.

& more importantly?

NOW. i remember, no, i'm LIVING every single second. NOW. the present. i hear every belly laugh, i play or am witness to, every game of peek-a-boo. i hear every "da-da" (dang it). I see every wobbly attempt at crawling, every daddy-esque smirk, every expression of joy over a favorite toy or book. everyday, i see or hear something new. you hold you own bottle, feed yourself almost everything, and drift off to dreamland without much of a rocking (tear).

so, would i jump at the chance to turn back time? to rewind the clock? to relieve those first few weeks in the haze of joy i feel now?

maybe. but maybe not.

why?

because i realize that none of us is guaranteed a tomorrow. so why dwell on yesterday?

& as i type, my husband is next to me on the couch and my son is playing and squealing with delight at my feet. here and now. in the present.

& there really is no time like the present.

{ wonder why they call pictures proofs }

2010-07-22T08:51:00.000-05:00

well i used to. but now i know.

exhibit a:

this picture is proof that my cat is still jealous of the baby.

* * * * *

i mean, i knew he was still a leeetle jealous.

I sit down with Hartmann : he jumps in my lap

I make a bottle or get food ready : he's starving

We're on the floor playing : he wants to play

I stand at the changing table : he's at my ankles & purring

you're jealous, i got it.

at least i thought i got it.

* * * * *

but this is just vicious. like he's sending me a message.........

where have you been?

2010-07-20T16:18:00.000-05:00

well apparently, that's the question du jour. i'm here people, just not living on my computer.

it's summer, no? i love the summer.

yes, it's blisteringly hot in texas, but everything else about summer is great. iced tea tastes sweeter, the nights are deliciously pleasant, colors like aqua and turquoise come peeping out of my closet, and life just seems slower.

* * * * *

so, i've been MIA (missing in action) lately because i've been a MIA (momma in action) lately.

during the school year my main identity is "mrs. gurski the kindergarten teacher" & my days are filled with lesson plans, staff meetings, small groups, parents, traffic, gallons of coffee and diet coke, cafeteria lunches, email, facebook, cell phone, little tables & chairs, pencils, gluesticks, rushing to the sitter, recess, tying shoes, klennex, eating on the run, alarm clocks, & responsibility.

lather, rinse, repeat daily.

whew.

* * * * *

but summer is here so my days have been filled with:

early morning cuddles
baby oatmeal & cartoons
toys, toys, toys
reading stories & making silly faces
bubble baths
sweet afternoon naps
almost nightly trips to the neighborhood pool
swim diapers
afternoon showers & double rainbows
sunscreen
baby squeals & giggles
rosy little checks
sweaty little baby hair

{ & this face }

can you blame a girl for not blogging much?

ain't no cure

2010-07-13T15:31:00.000-05:00

for the summertime blues, that is.

my husband doesn't like summer time. i'm a teacher see, which means i'm off work. (only not as long as most people think and love to mention to me)

"Oh you're a teacher. . . .you get all summer off! How great is that?!?"

Oh yes, it's fabulous. By the time school is finally out the 2nd week of June, I get the rest of June and some of July off. Oh, lucky me! But come about mid-July all the way til school starts in mid August, I'm sitting in classes & training all day. ALL.DAY. & of course I forgot to mention curriculum writing which takes up a good portion of that "off time" in June/July I mentioned above.

i digress.

so, the husband hates summer. because i'm off work. & when i'm off work, i get bored. & when i get bored, i get crafty. furniture gets rearranged, things get hung, walls tend to change colors......pictures coming soon!

you've come along way baby

2010-07-09T08:09:00.000-05:00

* * * * *

{happy birthday sweet boy}

thankful on thursday

2010-07-08T15:02:00.002-05:00

hey ya'll. i haven't done a thankful on thursday post in quite awhile. which isn't good. i tell myself i've just been so busy lately. but this says it best:

& not just on thanksgiving. or thursday for that matter.

but everyday.

In every thing give thanks, for this is the will of God

~1 Thessalonians 5:18~

so today i am thankful for

1. finally finding a highchair toy with a suction cup on the bottom. i am so looking forward to enjoying a meal without bending down a countless number of times to retrieve a dropped toy. & no more worrying about the 5 second rule either. or getting the stink eye from all those holier-than-thou moms when i only give the dropped toy a half-hearted swipe with a wet wipe before handing it back to my son. it's just dirt people; he'll live.

2. key lime dannon light and fit yogurt.

3. freedom. our country's freedom, freedom from sin, freedom in CHRIST.

4. a good blogger friend that is overcoming some pretty scary stuff and is learning to find joy in her son. it's like becoming a new mom for the first time, all over again. & i am so happy to be witnessing her joy.

5. the color blue. not normally a favorite of mine. i usually swear my girly girl allegiance to all things pink. but lately i've been drawn to cool, summery blues. like aquamarine and tiffany blue. (hence the new header...made by me!) wondering if i convince husband to paint a room for me......

6. time. very simple people. time to snuggle my son, time to manage my household, time to be creative. ahhh. summer break is a teacher's best friend.

{what are ya'll thankful for?}

just some randomness

2010-07-07T16:33:00.000-05:00

hey y'all. i just realized i start every post that way. oops. it's a lazy wednesday afternoon over here at my house and i really don't have a hot topic to enthrall you with. just spending the day with my main squeeze aka Hartmann. so pour yourself a cold glass of sweet iced tea (or whatever you drink at this hour!) and enjoy some random thoughts :)

* * * *

is it possible for my kid to get cuter every day? i'm serious y'all. every single time i look at him, i swear he's even more amazing than he was that time before that.

* * * *

is it also possible that he could already be a genius??

* * * *

wow i really need to post pics from the 4th and share the juicy details of how we celebrated our freedom.

* * * *

why can't i just accept that my 8 month old is saying dada? i just keep telling myself that "da-da" is one of the first sounds they learn so of course that's why he's saying it. it's not like he's actually saying it.

* * * *

& even if he was, it's not like this even comes close to evening the score. i mean, i'm the one who carried him for 9 months. i'm the one that sacrificed vino, diet coke, and blue cheese for the child. MY feet swelled, MY legs cramped, MY back ached. MY water broke, MY uterus contracted, MY va jay-jay dilated to a measly 10 cm to birth him into the world. so if he truly is saying dada.......i guess that makes it

daddy = 1, momma = 159,876,357,645,852,369,546,274

~~not that i'm actually keeping score or anything~~

* * * *

but i will NOT flip to the "firsts" section of his baby book and fill in the first word blank with "dada"

* * * *

there is an awesome giveaway going on over @ the tuckers take tennessee. please go check it out!

* * * *

did i mention that hartmann, my ONE & ONLY, is spending the night away from me this weekend for the first.time.ever?? no, i didn't mention it? well i'm sure i did mention it, you just couldn't my voice, which was muffled by the brown paper bag i was hyperventilating into.

* * * *

it's ok granmommy. i want him to spend the night with you and papa. really, i do. i will just miss him. SO.MUCH. so i'm only ~~sorta~~ kidding. ish.

* * * *

sarge, the window treatment guy, came to measure 11 windows in our house today for some custom blinds. yep that's right. sarge. funny name, cute little old guy. with such manners. called me ma'am and really meant it. took his shoes off and walked around on my fresh clean carpet in just his argyle socks. thankyouverymuch sir. tickled and made goo goo gah gah noises at my son, did his work quickly, and was on his way. all windows in the house will be covered and blinded soon. squee!

* * * *

did i remember to tell you there is an awesome giveaway going on over @ the tuckers take tennessee?

* * * *

well that's enough randomness for one day i suppose. check you cool cats on the flip side!

you have my permission to swoon

2010-07-06T09:09:00.000-05:00

hey ya'll. ok, so if you have read me like EVER, even just once, you've probably read my obsession with The Vintage Pearl or TVP as I ~~lazily~~ lovingly call it. I could embed some links of past posts here....but why bother?? You know I love it, and I only rave about things I truly love.

Not only do I adore the eye candy.......

my most recent purchase. LOVE it.

BUT I also love Erin, the founder/owner/creative genuis behind it all. She's a SAHM, she speaks openly about her faith, she has a simple honesty about her, and she has 4 beautiful kids.

so, I love promoting her business! (not that needs the free PR, she does pretty well!)

another creative SAHM that I love is Meghan over @ The Tuckers Take Tennessee. She's great too y'all. She has 2 adorable little boys. She's creative, talented, and loves the LORD. pretty awesome right? well, her blog is awesome too! she features giveaways, tutorials, recipes, organizational tips, ideas to run your household, and many other amazing things! please go check her out!!

So when these two great women team up, I just have to share the bloggy love! so go check out megan's latest giveaway courtesy of TVP! It's an awesome giveaway :)

summer lovin had me a blast

2010-07-02T09:54:00.001-05:00

do i really even need to say anything?

come check out my new hobby!

2010-07-01T17:06:00.003-05:00

well i'm taking a leap & starting something new. check out Art from the Hart. there's a special suprise for those that do!

close to my heart

2010-07-01T15:08:00.000-05:00

i love beautiful things. what's even better is winning beautiful things! i won a giveaway from The Vintage Pearl & my necklace couldn't have turned out better.

{swoon}

i love wearing my family close to my heart. & i love promoting small business. so please go check out The Vintage Pearl. they have a great blog too! Erin is amazing. she's a SAHM to four beautiful kids. & she's in Oklahoma (pretty darn local right??) she's creative and her stuff is beautiful. & dainty. & perfect!

go check it out!

family rules

2010-06-28T17:10:00.002-05:00

as a teacher, i am used to seeing my rules posted in my class room. so i thought, why not have family rules posted at home? true, my son is only 8 months. but, why not start now? posting the family rules (ie. values and virtues important to us) is a great reminder to us all. so, i channeled my inner creativity thank you summer for giving me time to do this and came up with a little something i like to think is pretty cool.

i printed it on 8X10 linen card stock and will frame it soon. it would also look good on matte photo paper.

i might start personalizing these and selling them. your thoughts?

to spanx or not to spanx.......

2010-06-26T13:23:00.000-05:00

boy, is that the question or what?

& no, i'm not daring to bring up the centuries old argument of whether or not you should spank your child. but while we're not on the subject, let me just state of the record that I am all for a little drumming on the tushy. i was raised southern baptist to the core. spare the rod, spoil the child, mmkay?

I digress.

before i go any further, let us bow our heads and pay homage to every ~~woman's~~ mother's best friend. besides teething tablets and sophie.

amen.

ok, so back to my point. yes, i do have one.

today, i tempted fate, karma, the gods, whatever you believe in, & i went swimsuit shopping. 8 months post partum, with my infant son. girl, you crazy. first stop, walmart. because i'm cheap. & i really don't see the point or pleasure in dropping $60+ on something i really don't want anyway & just buying out of necessity.

walmart=FAIL. nothing cute whatsoever. ya know, because i'm not 80 years old. next stop, Old Navy.

surprisingly cute suits. tried 3 on. 1 fit. ONE. i probably should have stopped there and just bought the darn thing, especially since it was on sale and in a to die for shade of purple. but us type A's are always wondering if we can find something better.

3rd stop, gap outlet. riiiiight. everything in there was cute. everything in there was on sale. everything in there was made for a pre-pubescent 15 year old girl that has never had anything occupy her uterus. needless to say, i did NOT fall into the gap.

back to old navy, try on pretty purple suit one last time. don't even get me started on the 489,462,578,329,541,298 things that are wrong with fitting rooms. florescent lights were undoubtedly invented by a man. & 3 way mirrors? ok, i know i'm fat. i do not need you to show it to me 3 times. & all those places of cellulite and stretch marks? i don't need your powers of magnification to show me things i didn't even know where there. OMG, where did YOU come from? everybody wave "hi!" ignorance is bliss my friend.

so, all's well that end's well i guess. i bought the suit. but i'm silently wondering.....

can i get away with wearing my spanx under it??

Thankful on Thursday(ish)

2010-06-25T09:52:00.001-05:00

Tried SO hard to get this out last night. Didn't happen (obviously). So pretend it's Thursday k? thanks!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This week I am thankful for:

1. Air conditioning. After moving into a new house and living without for almost 2 weeks, IN TEXAS, I was ever so grateful to see the repair van pull into my driveway yesterday.

2. People that inspire my creativity. Namely HERE and HERE. Hoping to try my hand at home-made soon!

3. Bloggy friends that give fun awards! Thanks Tracey!

4. Sweet baby giggles.

5. Summer break at home with my son.

2010-06-24T21:14:00.002-05:00

hello anyone home?

2010-06-19T12:32:00.001-05:00

i'm here! i've just been MIA as of late. why? you ask. well, lemme just tell ya!

Reasons why i've not blogged in a loooooong time:

1. i've been moving

2. in Texas

3. in the middle of June

4. in 100 degree heat

5. with a 7 month old

6. & no AC

yep, that's right. no AC. crazy? yes. exhausting? yes. totally worth it? YES.

WHY?

because I love my new house. (loved the old one, but one can only take so many years and so many quirks of a house built in 1915)

i now have bathrooms big enough to turn around in. i now have closets. in every bedroom. and hallway.

{&}

i now have more precious moments with this guy:

thanks to my commute being drastically cut.

AC repair man if you are reading this, YES, the move has been worth it even in this heat.

{but please hurry. k? thanks.}

chapters

2010-06-11T19:00:00.001-05:00

i like to think that life is divided into chapters. you know, like different sections or parts that make up the whole. childhood, school years, college, marriage before kids, marriage after kids, marriage with grandkids, and so on. you get the idea.

well, a chapter of my life is closing. it's finally time to say goodbye to our first home together. our first home. the one we worked so hard to get. the one we prayed about before we were even married. the one where we shed blood, sweat, and tears to make our own. literally, people. blood, sweat, tears.

it's bittersweet. not because of the house really. no, it's what it stands for. what it means to me.

it's the house were the husband & i spent those 1st years of marriage. it's were our son was created (don't worry...no gross details!) it's were we first brought him home to. this home is where he first slept through the night, where he first smiled, where he first laughed, where he first rolled over.

this home is where i learned to breastfeed, then quickly discovered it wasn't going to work out for me. this home is where i made that first tearful call to my doctor because i knew something wasn't right, postpartum-wise. this is home where i learned that being a mother is waaaaay harder than any "what to expect while you're expecting" book tells you. this home is where i learned that PPD is real and it's scary, but it IS surmountable. this is the home where i took those first steps to fight PPD and this is the home where i finally started to feel like a mom.

so leaving this home makes me sad. but then again, it's not the actual house itself that holds all those precious memories. no, those are in my heart.

{But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.}

i know i will always have those memories to keep close. & i know our new home will give birth to many more special memories.

it will be the home where he crawls for the first time, cuts his first tooth, & takes his first steps. the new home will be where he gets his first skinned knee and his first bad dream. he'll have his 1st birthday in our new home. & soon enough, our refrigerator will be covered in those first primitive drawings and paintings.

i will have so many new memories to treasure and ponder in my heart.

so, here's to the new chapter!

7 month list

2010-06-09T08:00:00.000-05:00

Dear sweet boy,

I can't believe you are 7 months old today. I can't believe that I'm the fortune one that was chosen to be your mom. I want to keep the tradition of writing you a birthday letter every month, but this month will be a little different. Not that I don't enjoy gushing over how cute you are, & how brilliant you are (well, he IS), & how much I love you. I do, really. It's my favorite thing to do. Even though I dissolve into tears as I write & then have to rely on spell check to catch all my sloppy, sniffling mistakes.

But this time, a list.

A list of all the sweet & simple things I love about you, my son.

1. I love that you love to eat. I love how you sigh contentedly over each bite, how you open your mouth every time you see anyone eat anything, how you smile & flail your arms & legs about when you see the bottle coming at you, & the way you grab at the spoon with such gusto that more of ends up on you than in you.

2. I love how you smile with your entire body. Your mouth splits open from ear to ear, your checks scrunch up to your eyes, & your head tucks down into your body. Which leads me to the next thing I love.....

3. Your laugh. Oh that laugh. It starts small, then gurgles up from within your belly, gets all hearty in your throat, then bubbles out like music. I love it. I love that I can make you do it. & I love that it's more intentional now that you are growing older. You don't smile & laugh at everything anymore as if it's an uncontrollable reflex. You are selective with it. You laugh when I tickle you, play peek-a-boo, read to you from your favorite silly stories, & when I make silly faces at you.

4. I love that sometimes (a lot of times) you only want me.

5. I love those baby blues that you inherited from your Papa.

6. I love that little temper that you sometimes show by arching your back and screaming out. In a few years, I may not think it's so endearing. In a few years, it may earn you some swats to your backside. But for now, I'm embracing it. It's you, figuring out who you are and how to express yourself.

7. I love the way you smell.

8. I love the way you recognize me from across the room.

9. I love how your face changes when you realize that the person holding you is not momma.

10. I love you. Plain and simple. I love you, everything you stand for, everything you are, and everything you will become someday.

Of all the things I hope you remember about me one day when I'm gone, it's that I love you. Unfailingly, unconditional, always.

For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him.

{1 Samuel 1:27}

Love,

Momma

don't be late

2010-06-07T21:53:00.002-05:00

One last chance to check out this giveaway!

monday at the movies

2010-06-07T16:51:00.000-05:00

my friend's giveaway ends today! go check it out @ Thrifty and Frugal Living!

Not me Monday

2010-06-07T13:36:00.001-05:00

I did NOT throw away some of my husband's junk just because I didn't want to pack it. Nope, not me. I carefully and lovingly wrapped it in newspaper to protect it. Then, I gently placed it in boxes. Yep, sure did.

I did NOT eat chips and a peanut butter cup for lunch. Nope.

I did NOT take a 2 hour nap this morning instead of doing the laundry and packing up the kitchen.

I did NOT spend another hour of packing time laying and the couch playing with my son. Nope, been busy allllll day.

ps. my friend's giveaway ends today! go check it out @ Thrifty and Frugal Living

Bliss

2010-06-07T07:30:00.001-05:00

First day of summer vaycay! Yay!! I'm doing laundry and packing all day. But I don't even mind. No students, no tattling, no shoe laces, no snotty noses, no holding my bladder until I'm about to burst, no lunch boxes, no backpacks, no parents, & no hearing my name 456,789,239,456,546,248 times day.

I do love my job. Seriously.

But this break is much needed.

This giveaway ends today!

2010-06-05T21:13:00.000-05:00

y'all, it's saturday. i'm exhausted. busy weekend of graduations and packing. and lovin on my baby boy! but, i'm trying to win a giveaway so here is my daily post about it for extra entries. i've tried to win a credit to this store for ages.....so i'm hoping i get lucky this time! night night internet friends.

thankful on thursday

2010-06-03T18:28:00.001-05:00

thursday y'all? seriously? wow. this week has really flown by. yet at times, it has seemed to crawl. either way, my calendar is definitely telling me it's thursday, so here goes!

(ok so i know that picture is autumnish but i found it too pretty not to share)

this week, i am thankful for:

1. jelly belly jellybeans. OMG. yummo. have yet to meet a flavor i didn't like.

and can we just talk about how shiny and gorgeous they are?

2. the next two need no text, no explanation. this week i am thankful for

what are you thankful for this week?

ps. don't forget this gift-card-giveaway!

where did tuesday go? wordless(ish) wednesday

2010-06-02T09:04:00.000-05:00

wow y'all. tuesday is here and gone. one and done. it totally snuck up on me and flew past me. now here it wednesday. whew! i'm tired y'all and things have been a bit stressful lately over here at Gurski Gossip. so forgive me for my lack o'bloggin!

so, welcome to wordless(ish) wednesday! I say "ish" because wednesday is never really wordless over here on my corner of the interwebs. i love to ~~go on and on~~ chat and i always feel the need to yak about my photos. so here we are, on the boat, soakin up some good ol' Memorial Day sun.

ps. don't forget this giveaway!

memorial day - part ll

2010-05-31T15:49:00.002-05:00

this is my favorite photo from the entire weekend.

my little swimmer!

card shark

me & aunt jessica

chillaxin' on the boat

So yeah.....as you can see.....all we did for the weekend was swim.

* * * * * * * *

but we also took time to

{remember}

God bless the men & women who have given their lives so we can live. May God also bless those who still currently serve.

ps. don't forget this giveaway!

memorial day - part l

2010-05-30T11:20:00.001-05:00

* * * * * *

more to come. . . . .

ps. don'y forget this giveaway

hello my name is

2010-05-28T21:42:00.000-05:00

I sometimes feel like my son should wear a nametag. Seriously. I lay him down in his crib at night and in the morning he's different. Sometimes almost unrecognizable.

No one told me they grew so fast. No one told me he'd suddenly know how to hold his own bottle, feed himself with a spoon, and discover his, well...um.....self.

Wow. Some cliches really are true. They do grow so fast. & time really does fly.

ps. don't forget this giveaway!

Thankful on Thursday - back to the basics

2010-05-27T19:07:00.002-05:00

sometimes it's hard to be thankful. jobs can be stressful, homes get messy, laundry piles up, finances get crazy, and situations quickly spiral out of our control.

that's where my life is right now. but then i saw this.

no truer words have ever been spoken.

so tonight, my list is basic. it's things most of us have, some of us still dream of, and we all take for granted.

* * * * *

I am thankful for

1. my son. plain and simple. his is the smile that makes me smile, the laugh that makes me the laugh, and the tears that make me cry. he is literally my heart walking around outside my body. nothing in this life can change the fact that i am his and he is mine.

2. not my ring. even though it is sparkly and beautiful. no, it's what the ring represents. love. communication. honesty. humor. respect. companionship. support. understanding. private smiles. secret jokes. ~~dirty socks on the floor.~~ my marriage.

3. life in general. it's all around us. even outside my window.

{what are you thankful for?}

ps. I'm also thankful for giveaways like this!

wordless wednesday

2010-05-26T07:50:00.003-05:00

There are no words today because I am TIRED. SO TIRED. I've been up since 5:15 & at work since 6:30 this morning to help get ready for a pancake breakfast. That 67 kindergarten kids are hosting. Yep, that's right. Kindergarten. KIN.DER.GARTEN.

****gulp****

Don't forget this giveaway!

MWAH

(ok, so this not exactly wordless, but you get my point, right? Kindergarteners? Pancake mix? Serving our superintendent? Heaven help us all.)

just a reminder

2010-05-24T19:00:00.000-05:00

Hey y'all! Just reminding all my readers of a GREAT giveaway over at Thrifty and Frugal Living. It's from Vintage Pearl. :::swoon:::

Check out the giveaway, and the rest of the blog as well. She is great!

not me monday

2010-05-24T11:33:00.008-05:00

*****

I did not almost forget to tell my husband happy birthday this morning after rolling out of bed 20 minutes later than usual because I stayed up waaaay past my bedtime watching the Law and Order SVU marathon. Nope, I got up early and fixed him a very yummy breakfast of ~~Lucky Charms~~ eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Ya know, all before I showered, got my infant ready, and started my 50 minute commute to work.

I did not secretly rejoice when a few of my parents cancelled their end of year conferences this morning. & I most certainly do not plan on using that time to hide out in the library and get caught up on email while our kindergarten aide is left to corral my 16 very unruly, ready-for-summer students.

I did not eat the last of the leftover lobster mac n' cheese and sweet potato fries from my husband's birthday dinner at Nick & Sam's. ~~YUMMO~~

& I did not suggest taking him there because it just so happens to be my favorite restaurant ever. My suggestion was purely selfless, as always.

{happy monday}

*****

if you're a teacher, it's the last one of the school year!

& PS. My newest addiction? cap creations.OMG.

spilt milk

2010-05-21T09:49:00.003-05:00

my child held his own bottle this morning. all by himself. for the entire 6 ounces.

{he laughed. i cried.}

he would drink a little, take it out & smile at it, then put it back in & drink some more. he was so pleased with himself.

& i was ~~almost sorta~~ proud.

giveaway

2010-05-20T07:51:00.001-05:00

Another great Vintage Pearl giveaway! Go HERE! And check out her entire blog while you're at it. She's awesome!

love is........

2010-05-19T12:27:00.002-05:00

.......steering a very heavy grocery cart with ONE hand while carrying your child with the other arm because you forgot the extra plush grocery cart cover & now the metal bars are digging into his back & causing him discomfort.

This happiness was only temporary

{that is real love folks}

& PS......NO that is not a bindi dot on my child's forehead. A granmommy that shall remain nameless accidentally got him too close to a yucca plant while putting him in the car at the sitters house. For shame!

Just kidding Granmommy....we love you

win-it wednesday

2010-05-19T08:00:00.003-05:00

Go here to enter a GREAT giveaway. No, seriously. It's awesome. So awesome, in fact, that I hope you don't win. Cuz I hope I win. Did I say that out loud??

It's hosted by The Tuckers Take Tennessee and it's for a $50 gift card to the Vintage Pearl.

Check out that gorgeous stuff!!

post-it note tuesday

2010-05-18T08:00:00.003-05:00

(drats. I hit the post button, then remembered I didn't schedule it to post tomorrow. & now I can't un-do it. oh well. I'll just consider myself ahead for once. enjoy.)

**Yes, I know I misspelled "redeemable." Too lazy to go back & fix it.**

not a good sign

2010-05-17T08:05:00.001-05:00

The first bell just rang and I already miss my kid. Really miss him. REALLY. It's going to be a long day.

Know what really kills me? He now understands the concept of me leaving. Cue the screaming.

Hope y'all have a better Monday than me.

Thankful on Thursday

2010-05-13T21:00:00.001-05:00

I don't like to do a lot of the "bloggy days." Occasionally I'll do a Not-me Monday, a Post-it Note Tuesday, or a Wordless Wednesday. But I try to only do it if I'm in a hurry and don't have time to be my normally sarcastic, witty, and all around charming self. ..::teeheehee::..

However, Thankful on Thursday is a great one. It has substance. It has meaning. It forces me to slow down, look at the big picture, and give thanks. Which is a good thing. I don't need to be surrounded by home-made cranberry sauce, stuffing, and pumpkin pie to be thankful. Although it helps!

1. I am thankful for nights at home alone. I love my husband to pieces but sometimes it's nice to have some alone time. I get home from work, take off my makeup, steal his comfiest pj's, and curl up on the couch with my son for some sweet snuggles. Nothing better, hands down.

2. I am thankful for spring. Everything is fresh and new. Everything smells wet and dewy. Moments like these help me refresh and renew. It helps me calm the thoughts within my brain that are swirling around that crazy. Just to stop and breath in the life around me.

3. I thankful to be a mom. Not just because I think moms are so amazing. Not because I think a woman is reborn when she becomes a mom. Just because I know how truly miraculous it is to be a mom. Society indoctrinates us as young girls that we all grow up, get married, and have babies. Not true. Some of us struggle with infertility, miscarriage, and other health issues. We simply assume that we will be mommies one day but sometimes its not that easy. This year, I finally understood what Mother's Day is really about. For me, it's not a celebration of the mom, it's a celebration of the child.

4. Haircuts. I love getting rid of all that dead weight. I love the feeling of starting fresh at the ends.

5. Salon products. Ridiculously overpriced but so worth it. Such a small but delicious luxury.

6. Sonic. Are these anywhere besides Texas? If not, then y'all seriously need to get here as fast as possible. For reals. Our new house is literally 1.3 minutes from a Sonic. To channel my inner Rachel Ray: YUMMO.

What are y'all thankful for this week?

Wordless Wednesday

2010-05-12T08:00:00.001-05:00

AND...........

{He sits!}

THE guest blogger

2010-05-11T08:00:00.008-05:00

Ok y'all...remember this post? I danced around like a little tease with a smirky grin singing "I've got a secret, I've got a secret." Just like the popular, annoying little girl in grade school that you simultaneously hated, yet so desparately wanted to be friends with. Well unlike her, I am SO HAPPY to announce my secret. Seriously y'all....busting at the seams.

So....here goes......

My very first guest blogger EVAH is none less than Blair! Gasp! THE Blair?!? As in, the Heir to?? Yep! That's her! Now, she needs no introduction. NONE. & It didn't sink in until after I first emailed her with the "please guest blog for me, pretty please with sugar on top?" email that I realized something. Oh sh*t, if she agrees to guest blog, I'll have to introduce her! How do you introduce someone so honest and so larger than life and that everyone already knows?

Like this:

Blair is the epitome of the true South. She's sweet like cold iced tea. She's like a breath of fresh Southern air that whips through the crisp white sheets on the clothesline. She's never met a stranger, she'd do anything for you with a big ol' smile, and she understands it's ok to call it like it is as long as you add the old southern adage of "bless her heart". She's a true Southern gal, complete with cheddar dill scones, tissue paper puffs, and the occasional gin!

So come sit on our porch awhile and make yourself at home!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I love my momma.

That is not a shock to anyone that knows me – we’re coffee buddies, shopping buddies, BEST buddies. & we’ve always been this way. I was her “dream come true,” (her words, not mine) & fulfilled a life-long dream of hers to have a daughter. I wore bows before I left the hospital, saddle shoes until I was eight, & spent hours learning how to clean house from her. So true. I was dusting by the time I was four. Once a week, we went to McDonald’s for lunch after ballet class. She was my Girl Scout Troop Leader, my confidant, & always knew to set a place at the table for my imaginary friend, Daisy. As a teenager, we went out for cinnamon rolls every Saturday morning & as an adult, we talk on the phone every day. At least once, if not five times.

The Momma & I are best friends.

Yes, we’ve had our moments. An eleven-year-old girl is ZERO fun & I was no exception. Totally emo, shut-off, & simultaneously begging for a pony & a boyfriend. Which sounds contradictory, but HELLO, you cannot ride off into the sunset with Prince Charming without a pony. We had moments where I fought her tooth-&-nail against hairbows as a third grader, moments where we disagreed over the merits of my long-time high school boyfriend, & whether or not I should ever attempt to be a redhead (she likes me blonde). We had growing pains as I became my own woman with my own opinions that differed from hers – about church, politics, tattoos, & sex. She is respectful of my decisions as a parent, & gentle in her guidance. But at the end of the day, The Momma & I have never had a fight that could not be settled with a hug & “I’m sorry” before the sun set.

The Momma & I respect each other.

By the time I grew up, married, & started paying my own mortgage, my mother was more my friend than a parental unit. & when Harrison arrived, it plunged our relationship into an even deeper understanding. Suddenly, I knew what she felt for the past 26 years of my life. I knew that when she voiced her opinion that I should be blonde, it’s because I’m beautiful to her & she wants me to be seen at my best by the rest of the world. That when she broke my heart by telling me the douchebag I dated in high school was NOT going to be my “last boyfriend,” it was because she knew that we were not a match for a happy marriage. I knew that in every word she spoke, action she gave, & decision she made, she made it selflessly for me. & with that understanding, I was able to reciprocate it to her & my son.

The Momma & I give each other 100% every single day.

The first week of Harrison’s life, The Momma came & stayed with us to help. She took all night feedings to allow me to heal. She wrapped me when two pockets of milks suddenly emerged in my left breast. She taught me how to swaddle, how to begin a schedule, & how to treasure the fleeting, tiny moments that can never be recaptured. Like those first six days of Harrison’s life, when he snoozed in the swing while we chatted over a cup of coffee each morning. Small moments that fill your heart until it pours over. It’s what parenting is about.

The Momma & I overflow with love for each other.

& in these past few months, The Momma has dried my tears, held me tight, & taken me out for McDonald’s when I couldn’t eat anything else. She has gently guided me back to my son with respect & love, reminding me to be selfless. She calls me every day to see how I’m feeling & every morning, we share a cup of coffee before work while Harrison plays at our feet.

The Momma taught me to be a mother.

& life has come full circle.

amazing love

2010-05-10T14:57:00.002-05:00

{how can it be?}

6 months?? No way; there's just no way. But, it's true. As of yesterday, at 7:52 pm, I have a six month old. Gulp.

Every moment of the last 6 months has been amazing. Sometimes scary, often tiring, but always wonderful. Not to be cliche, but everyday really does bring something unexpected. A different sound, a different smile, a different facial expression. A newly learned skill, a new favorite book, a new food to try.

I'm different too. Everyday, I learn something new about my son and about myself. I have learned that when he cries, it makes me want to cry too. I have learned that playtime cuddles, sleepytime cuddles, and sick cuddles all need to be different. I have learned not to give up after trying to feed him a new food 2,345 times because he might just like it the 2,346th time. I have learned that cooking, typing, putting on makeup, and folding laundry can all be done one-handed. I have learned that an old toy, hanging from a novel link, is like new again. I have learned that scooping every.last.drop of formula out of the can is totally worth it. I have learned to discern a sleepy cry from a bored cry from a hungry cry from a I-just-want-to-hear-myself-cry cry.

{I have learned how to love.}

Truely and completely. Without question or expectation or condition.

It doesn't matter if it's 2 am and I'm exhausted and you just want to play. It doesn't matter if I don't feel good. It doesn't matter if I've got 1,000,000,000 1/2 things to do but you want to be played with. It doesn't matter if you are screaming and I've got a splitting headache. It doesn't matter if I'm starving but it's time for you to eat first.

You've given me a better understanding of what it must be like for our Heavenly Father.

He loves us regardless of our sin. Even if we've prayed for forgiveness of that sin many times. Even when we deny him in front of others. Even when we mutter words under our breath to the driver next to us. Even when we don't tell the cashier she's given us too much back in change. Even when we sleep in 5 more minutes and don't save time to be in his word.

{amazing love. how can it be?}

Having my son these past 6 months has brought everything into a much clearer focus than ever before. I believe that our children are used to show us the amazing love that our Father has for us.

Happy 6 months to my precious baby. Thank you for showing Momma what love can be.

Call her blessed

2010-05-09T17:14:00.004-05:00

{I am a mother}

There is nothing........

more wonderful

more humbling

more amazing

more exhausting

more terrifying

more rewarding

more fulfilling.

This post will be short because there are simply no words. No words, no matter how fit or flowery, to wholly express the huge joy and wonderment of being a mom. His mom. There are no similies to describe his smile, no nouns to convey his nature, & no verbs to protray his vivacious personality.

There are no adjectives to fully communicate my affections towards my pride & joy, my little man, my sweet baby.

My son.

{I am his momma}

"Her children arise and call her blessed." Proverbs 31:28

Blessed. That I truely am.

procrastinator's dream

2010-05-07T08:07:00.000-05:00

Ok, if you have read my blog AT ALL you know I'm totally obsessed with the The Vintage Pearl. They are doing a really awesome, super duper cool, totally AH.MA.ZING giveaway here. No gift for mom? No problem! Go enter their great giveaway!!!!

2 steps forward for him, 345,643,578,347,421,567,853 steps backward for me

2010-05-06T17:47:00.000-05:00

I am one of those people who have to work. I simply have to go to work. Everyday. Not only from a financial standpoint (although that's a BIG reason) but more from a mental standpoint. If I didn't have work to keep me busy all day, then......well.......ugh. It wouldn't be pretty. I'd be huge from eating all day. I'd be poor from shopping all day. I'd have a handbag collection to rival the shoe collection of Imelda Marcos, but I'd be broke. Fo Sho.

My handbag ~~love obsession~~ addiction? Well, that's an entirely different post. So as usual, I digress.

Work. Yes, it's a necessary evil. Now before you think I'm whining or acting like the only mother who has to work, please don't attack me. Back away from the computer and slowly count to 10 before you formulate your mean comments. I'm not whining. I know millions of moms all over the globe get up with the sun everyday to go to work. & leave behind the cutest baby ever. I'm just saying that it really......

SUCKS.

I was doing well. OK, not well. But, OK. At first I could go to work without lots of tears because he just, well, laid there. I was missing bottles, diapers, and lots of napping. Sure, I missed him but I didn't feel like I was really missing anything.

But now, I feel like I'm missing everything. I'm missing smiles, giggles, belly laughs, rolling over, squealing, cooing, eating solids, scooting, blah, blah, blah. Which is how I feel. Blah.

I get lots of that cute stuff in the evenings, but it's not enough. It will never be enough. Sometimes I actually wish I could liquidate him and bath in him and literally soak him into my pores. Or shrink him down and carry him in my pocket. Having his photo everywhere is not enough. Wearing his name on my necklace and bracelet is not enough. Wearing his birthstone in a ring on my right hand is not enough. Setting my ring tone to his recorded laughter is not enough. Putting his picture as my desktop background on my computer and cell phone is not enough.

Sometimes I literally shut down. As in can't function. Now, I tend to have a flair for the dramatic (gasp! really?!?!) but I'm not being dramatic here folks. It's the truth. At work, I can be reading a book about a mom, or catch a whiff of a sweet smell, or glance over at my computer while I'm teaching and see a photo of him scroll through on the screen saver, and that's it. I'm done for. In that moment, I shut everything out and can only think of being with him and holding him. Like it actually hurts my arms not to have him with me.

Is this normal? Am I normal? To all my working mommies out there.....does anyone else get this way? Does anyone else simply crave their child during the day? In an all-consuming way?

I hope so. Cuz if not, then I'm in a big ol' crazy boat all by myself.

& P.S. Do you ever get over this crippling feeling of needing your child and missing them so bad it hurts?

this is my jam

2010-05-05T11:58:00.001-05:00

(almost) wordless wednesday - feet fetish addition

2010-05-05T08:00:00.001-05:00

i am obsessed with my child's feet. i play with them, kiss on them, photograph them, and nom.nom.nom on them. enjoy.

& my personal favorite:

emotional rollercoaster

2010-05-04T15:09:00.001-05:00

Well, our house leased. It's the moment we've been praying about for weeks. & now that's it happened, I feel.....

I don't know.

Sad to leave the first home we bought as a couple? Nostalgic about leaving the home we first brought our son home to? Weirded out that someone else will be living in my house? Nervous about taking my child away from the only home he's ever known? Exhausted when I think of moving? Excited about cutting my commute in half, each way? Anxious to get into a real neighborhood with a park and a pool? Hopeful to meet new people our age, hopefully with young children?

Yes. Yes to it all. I'm feeling all those things and more. Sad to end this part of our journey, but so excited to start the new part.

So while I am trying to figure out how to handle all these emotions, please take a moment to enjoy our new house. I am so looking forward to turning this house into our home.

post it note tuesday

2010-05-04T08:00:00.002-05:00

not me monday

2010-05-03T15:16:00.001-05:00

I did not spend Saturday morning restarting the perma press clothes in the dryer multiple times in order to avoid having to hang them and put them away.

I did not hide stuff in closets in order to get ready for our open house on Sunday. I then did not ask my husband to clean out said closets.

I did not purposefully forget to lay out the meat to thaw for Sunday dinner so that my husband would have to take me out to a restaurant. I then did not feign a mild stomach ache to avoid my husband's favorite Chinese food restaurant since I really wanted Panera.

I did not watch "The Hills" marathon on MTV. That is most certainly not my favorite guilty pleasure.

Nope. Not me.